Entries for September, 2004
September 5th, 2004
dead beat... POSTED AT 02:53 AM Onga pala, sa wakas, my IE browser is usable again! Yay, finally I managed to fix the spyware problem, so now I'm able to use internet explorer again. Well, I won't be dumping mozilla out just because I got my old browser again, mozilla's download manager is the best, so I'm gonna keep it. Yay, I can arrange my armies at faitH again! And I can use spells, LOL. By the way, anyone here know some good MIDI site? Wala lang, I just wanna download some anime MIDI's, especially gundam ones, so kung meron kayo alam, post it here, wokei? Listening to: Bamboo - Mr. Clay Feeling: ...tired... 2 moonshine poured
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September 6th, 2004
reality check POSTED AT 10:50 PM Well, let's take this entry for an example. I post this one, I see that my entry appears on my weblog. But is it really there? Or it just appears when I look? Is there actually a computer monitor in front of me? I see it, I can feel it, I can even taste the glass...but is it still there when I turn away from it? How should I know if my senses are being fooled? Just like html. Let's say you want your mouse to change when you hover over a link. You put some codes in, and voila, when you hover your mouse over the link, it changes into a crosshair or a hand. Maybe that's how the senses work. When you're supposed to touch a box, your senses tell you that you are touching a box, but in truth, there is no box, it's just what it's supposed to seem to you, a box. Nah, I did'nt watch The Matrix, or The Truman Show...it's just that, how do you know when to believe what you see, or hear, or feel, or even what you know? How would you tell if your best friend sees you as his/her best friend? How would you know if you are really talking to somebody when you're on a chatroom? Have you ever wondered if the things people tell you are real? Have you ever tried to think if your friendship with someone could be just one-sided, that he/she's just friendly to you when you're around, that when you're gone he/she's not really your friend? That really makes me paranoid. Now I don't know if I can trust people or not, or even the ground which I stand on. But, haha, I think I just found my temporary solution to that...and it's called Faith. Someone just made me realize that, in order to believe in something, you have to have faith in it, that you just have to believe it's there, and you don't have to complicate matters by thinking if it's really there or not, just have faith that it's there, and it's not going anywhere.... So, as you told me to believe, so I shall believe that you're there, and you're not a government-hired agent to make me believe you're the person that you seem to be...hahaha just kidding. Thanks...you helped me learn how to trust. At least malapit na magamot yung paranoia ko sa mundo, LOL... Feeling: relieved... |
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September 8th, 2004
kumpleto? POSTED AT 12:09 PM Naisip ko lang bigla kung ok na ako sa buhay ko ngayon. Basta bigla na lang pumasok sa isip ko yung thought na "tumingin ka nga sa paligid mo, tignan mo kung masaya ka na sa buhay mo?". So, well, ginawa ko nga...at sa pag tingin tingin ko sa paligid ko, pati na rin sa sarili ko...hmm masasabi ko nga ba na kuntento na nga ba ako sa meron at wala ako? Basic needs muna, tapos dere-deretso na...Food, kumpleto naman dito, kahit hindi ako kumakain ng 3 times a day, yun ay dahil sa ang gising ko ay madalas alas-onse na, kaya kung kumain na ako, tanghalian na ang tawag dun. Kung gustuhin ko nga eh kaya ko kumain ng 5 times a day dito, 'di pa kasama yung merienda, tea time, kain sa labas, midnight snack, etc etc... Shelter...ok naman bahay ko. Kahit hindi naman s'ya gaano kalakihan, isang palapag lang, sapat naman yung lawak para magpagulong-gulong sa loob, hindi sya masikip. Kahit hindi rin s'ya maganda, ok lang kase wala namang sira yung bahay namin, maganda yung pagkakagawa, matibay, may kuryente at tubig, may telepono, may cable tv, kumpleto sa appliances, lahat maayos. Kahit hindi gaano magara yung bahay, at least hindi s'ya nagkukulang, kaya nya mamahay ng tao sa loob... Damit...kumpleto naman ako. Lahat ng colors of the rainbow meron din ako sa damit. Panlabas, panloob, panlupa, panghimpapawid, meron naman ako...kumbaga, for all occations. Pag-aaral...maganda naman ang kolehiyo ko ngayon...fully-paid ang tuition ko. Kumpleto na ako sa pocket money, Php 200 a day, sobra na yun, dahil kung tutuusin, Php 60 lang ang kelangan ko back and forth mula house papuntang school. Kumpleto reading materials ko dito sa bahay. May PC na connected sa internet, pang "research". Wala na nga ako masasabi sa dad ko eh, sinigurado nya kumpleto ako. Sa iba pang mga bagay...kumpleto ang libangan ko dito sa bahay, hindi ako kukulangin ng gagawin dito kahit ikulong mo ako dito ng isang taon. Kumpleto na ako sa entertainment systems, tv, radyo, dvd, playstation, gameboy, PC...marami din akong libro pwedeng basahin. May kotse na ako, kahit second-hand na lancer lang, kukuha na lang ako ng lisensya sa october para ma hand over na sa 'kin. Halos lahat ng commodities, malls, computer shops, tambayan, night clubs, parks, 15 minutes ride away lang ang pinakamalayo mula sa bahay namin. Safe and secure yung lokasyon namin, may police presence, malapit din sa ospital. Lahat ng basic needs, accessible sa 'kin... Middle-class lifestyle, ika nga. Hindi kulang, hindi sobra. Sa tao...hindi naman ako kinukulang sa kaibigan. Nandyan yung barkada ko, nandyan din yung mga kaaway ko. Nandyan yung pamilya ko. Nandyan yung extended family ko tuwing pasko at new year. Nandyan din yung mga kapitbahay ko. Healthy and normal naman ang social life ko. So, base sa napagisip-isipan ko, lahat na ng kelangan ko para mabuhay sa mundo, nandito na...siguro masasabi mo na na kuntento ako... Pero sa lahat ng pwedeng hindi ibigay ng itaas sa 'kin, bakit ikaw pa? Ikaw, ikaw na hinintay ko ng buong buhay ko, bakit ngayon hindi kita maabot? Sapat na ba yung hanggang tanaw na lang ako mula sa malayo? Hanggang tingin na lang ba ako sa larawan mo? Kelangan ko na lang ba aminin na hindi kita kayang maabot? Hanggang sulyap na lang ba ako sa pagkatao mo? Hangga't wala ka, bale wala rin yung kung ano man meron ako, kulang at kulang pa rin ang buhay ko... Hanggang kelan pa kaya ako mag-hihintay para makasama na kita? |
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September 9th, 2004
survey muna :D POSTED AT 04:50 PM 1.wat are you doing now? sumasagot ng survey 2.wat were you doing before this? tulog 3.wat are you thinking about now? anong kalokohan na naman gagawin namin mamaya ni bespren 4.wat time did you sleep last night? last night o kaninang umaga? LOL 3:43 am to be exact 5.wat did you do last night? played ehrgeiz 6.wat did you last say to a friend last night? goodnight 7.wat attracts u to the opposite sex? magandang personality 9.wat makes u happy?? having fun 10.wat r u wearing right now? shorts 11.wat will u do after answering this? chat ng konte 12.wat did u last eat? sotanghon and oatmeal cookies 13.wt do u want to tell someone but you dont know how to tell him/her? uhm...eh kase...sensya, saka na lang yung bayad sa utang ko :D 14.wen is your birthday? january 31 15.wen is your bf/gfs birthday? single ako ngayon 16. when did you last cry? forgot when... 17.y? may nawala sa kin na, after a few days, narealize ko na hindi pala cya dapat iniyakan 18. why did u answer this? wala akong magawa 19. when will you marry? pag meron na ako pakakasalan, at tapos na ung pag aadventuring ko sa buhay :D 20. when did you last receive a gift? kahapon, isang kahon ng oatmeal cookies 21. when did you last drink alcoholic beverages? nung sabado 22. who will you vote for president? tapos na yung eleksyon 23. who was the last person you talked w/ yesterday? friend ko sa chat 24. who makes you happy? mga barkada ko, sa loob at labas ng bansa :D 25. who is your enemy? altapresyon ^_^ 26. who has the qualities you like in a guy/girl? haha sino nga ba? sikreto :D :D :D 27. who do you hate most among your friends? eh malamang kaya ko nga sila friends kase wala akong ayaw sa kanila... 28. who are your girl ka-barkadas? marami, pero konti lang yung ka close ko 29. who has the cutest smile youve ever seen? yung kay ____, tapos sa kin :D 30. who do you talk on d phone with often? yung receptionist ng yellow cab 31. do you belong to a team in your school? wala eh...pero nung high school nung 3rd year nasa debate team ako 34. do you smoke? nah 35. do you drink? when it's called for 36. do you have some1 in mind that you want to marry? haha ewan ko kung mapapakasalan ko yun...pero maraming kandidato! 37. do you like swimming? syempre 38. do you wear eye contacts? nah, malinaw na mata ko 39. do you text much? nde na masyado ngayon 40. do you kiss your parents good night? minsan 41. does your crush often send you a message in friendster? ewan ko...wala naman ako 'crush' right now eh 42. how about in e-mail? lalong ewan 43. how often do you use the internet? everyday 44. how is your hair styled right now? magulong ala bruce lee na parang kakaiba na makapal 45. how are you feeling right now? inaantok na gising 46. how is the weather? ang inet 47. how will you court your loved one? ewan ko...plain honesty na lang 48. how did you learn about friendster? sa girlfriend ni harry 49. how old are you this year? 18 50. did you like answering this? tanong mo kay batman... :D |
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September 9th, 2004
A promise... POSTED AT 11:56 PM I'm sorry if I said I would leave... and I did'nt know that it would hurt you like that... but you know, it hurt me more than you did but I never really left...I just wanted to give you some space... I'm always here, and I never planned to leave you so, now that you know I'm here, I want you to know that I will always be here, whatever happens and that I would never do what I did to you today again I promise... now, as I have promised to be with you forever, I want you to promise me that you'll always keep that smile and that you'll wait for me... |
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September 11th, 2004
Dream Girl~ POSTED AT 09:54 AM Back in highschool, I always dreamt about the perfect girl na gusto ko maging girlfriend...ang idea ko sa 'king dream girl was syempre, chinita, na medyo rounded yung eyes, parang kay ayumi hamasaki, perfect oval face, cute mouth, kittenish nose, parang kay alicia keys. Perfect body na parang manikin, wala masyado sudden curves, gusto ko yung smooth yung transition ng hugis ng katawan, long legs. Dapat magkasing tangkad kami, para level yung eyes namin. Tapos gusto ko maganda yung hair, jet black, mahaba. And the skin, gusto ko yung mala-porselana, white as chinaware...basta, perfect lahat sa physical traits...I never thought about her personality, as long as she's hot, who cares about how she would act? That was back then...until I met this girl. User din sya dito sa tabulas (long live tabulas!). Actually, dito ko nga sya unang na-encounter eh. I knew her a few months ago, mga bandang May na. She wrote a comment in my blog, and I decided to follow her link. And I really liked what I found in her weblog. I was fascinated by the way she wrote her daily experiences in her web journal. I became a big fan of her blog. I really enjoyed reading her entries, nakakatuwa. Tapos, ayun, she put up a Y! messenger indicator on her blog. Since I was really fascinated by this person, I decided to chat with her. Sa totoo nga ang unang impression ko sa kanya dati is mga nasa early 20's na, isang yuppie sa makati. Dapat nga itatawag ko sa kanya nun eh ate, LOL. I did'nt bother checking out her gallery and profile then, pero nonetheless nagka-interes pa rin ako sa kanya kahit akala ko ganun nga sya. Turns out halos magkasing age lang kami, medyo matanda lang ako ng konti. And I was even more fascinated with this girl from tabulas habang nag-chat kami. Masaya sya kausap, naka-ilang beses na ako nagsabi ng bye, kaso I kept coming back for more, LOL. Kaso syempre, kelangan talaga tapusin, so I said bye. Pero talagang na-fascinate talaga ako sa girl na ito, so, kinabukasan, I talked to her again. And the day after. And the day after that. Until naging habit ko na maging ka-chat si girl from tabulas. Finally, nakita ko rin yung picture nya, nilagay nya sa isang entry...I finally decided to take a look at her profile and gallery...and from that moment on, my fascination grew even more... Ngiting kay saya, tinatangay ako ng hangin... She was all that and more...Hindi sya chinita kagaya ng 'dream girl' ko...pero that smile...I never included a great smile in my 'dream girl' profile. I tell you, it's a killer one. And her eyes, yeah I think I said something about my 'dream girl' having cute eyes, but this girl's eyes are way beyond 'cute'. It was like looking into a starry night sky. Pero that only fed the flame of my ever-growing fascination for her. What I really loved about her was her overall demeanor, her magnetic charm, her gentle attitude, her kind character, her energetic and fun-loving spirit, and most of all, her beautiful personality. That I knew during the long chat sessions I had with her daily. I was already addicted to her. Her mere prescence can change a gloomy day into a happy one. It really excites me when I see her name 'is now online'. Then I go into invisible mode, haha para walang istorbo. I tell you, ang average length ng mga chat namin was about 3-5 hours a day, average na yun during weekdays. Pag weekends, hindi ko na napapansin yung oras, pero one time tumagal yata kami ng mga 10 hours or mahigit pa dun. And I usually don't last that long with a normal conversation, usually mga 30 minutes lang yung pinakamatagal ko sa chat. Ewan ko, basta I really enjoy talking with her, kung ano ano na lang, minsan serious, madalas kalokohan, minsan nonsense, minsan may laman yung pinag-uusapan. Minsan nga kwento na lang ako ng kwento just to keep her on. Nalaman ko na lang, nagbago ako bigla. Mas naging friendly ako, atsaka naging mas outspoken ako bigla. Mas madalas na ako tumawa ngayon, madalas na rin ako nakikitang nakangiti ngayon. Bumalik yung interest ko sa music. Mas lalo ako naging creative sa mga ginagawa ko. Naging masaya ako. Naisip ko na lang it was all because of her. Nahawa ako siguro sa masayang ngiti na lagi kong nakikita sa kanya. Binago nya ako sa maliit na paraan na 'yun. And then, I realized maybe I was feeling something for her. My fascination grew to something bigger. I really knew that she was the one, the one that I have been looking for, I finally found the person I wanted to be with forever, my real dream girl...so, well, I decided that I would take a step further and tried to be closer to her... Kaso...inatras ko din kaagad yung desisyon ko. I was already happy with the way things were, but I wanted to be closer to her, to know her more, to be happy with her, and maybe, to be the one who would keep her for the rest of my life...however, it was too risky. Already, when I tried to tell her about how I feel, the atmosphere changed. I know it was stupid...but still I wanted to be with her. Until I got very confused, and it affected the way I talk to her. I suddenly became more forward and honest with my words, up to the point that it was getting uncomfortable for her, and probably for me. Sabi na nga ba, magbabago yung pakikitungo namin sa isa't isa...so naisip ko na wag na lang. Tama na siguro yung ganito na lang kami. Even if I had to watch her smile from a distance...stare at those magical eyes through a screen...talk to her as if she was in front of me even if she was'nt...rather than to risk losing her...right? Or is it? Now I'm getting confused all over again...shall I be content with what we have...or take the hard road and go for it? Actually, I'm still having doubts about whether I'm worthy to keep her or not, marami pa akong lalagpasan na mga tao't standards para masabi kong pwede na ako. Hindi pa kasama dun yung mga iba kong problema dito sa side ko...Hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin sinasagot yung dasal ko na tulungan ako ng langit mag desisyon, naka on-hold pa yata yung prayer request ko. So, tanong ko na lang sa makakabasa nito, kung meron man, da one-million-yen question: Pakakawalan ko ba si dream girl from tabulas? *tunog ng jeopardy* LOL -edit- OMG napaka loko nitooo... |
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September 12th, 2004
Dream girl part 2~ POSTED AT 03:23 PM I'm gonna go for her, yay! Naisip ko kase...ilang taon lang kaya pwede mabuhay ang tao? 70 years, more or less...look at it this way, 70 summers lang meron, 70 christmas days, 70 new years, I bet hindi pa lahat yun mapapagdaanan natin talaga...who knows, baka bukas, wala ka na. Talagang limitado yung oras natin dito sa mundo...naalala ko tuloy yung motto ko sa buhay; 'Live your life to the fullest, never let a chance go, the moment is yours to enjoy' LOL adrenaline junkie ako dati :D So, eto, merong once in a lifetime chance sa harap ko...bah, hindi ko na pakakawalan 'to! 
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September 14th, 2004
If I... POSTED AT 12:31 PM If I were a month I would be: January. Winter sa northern hemisphere, my favorite season. If I were a day of the week I would be: Friday. Masarap magpahinga kung may pinagpaguran. If I were a time of day I would be: Night, about 10pm-1am. The moon would be very visible, even a new moon. If I were a sea animal I would be: A Dolphin. I like the way it swims. If I were a direction I would be: West. If I were a piece of furniture: I'd be a recliner. Pwedeng naka-upo, pwedeng naka-higa. If I were a stone, I would be: an Igneous one, Obsidian. Made from hot lava, it cools down to form igneous rocks. Or, if it's a precious stone, I'd be a diamond. Symbolizes eternity. If I were a bird, I would be: a Peregrine falcon. Fastest flyer in the animal kingdom. If I were a flower/plant I would be: a sampaguita. Sweet, fresh scent, tsaka pwede ako ibenta ng mga street children. If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a piano If I were a crayon color, I would be: black. Favorite color ko, and madalas, ito ang pinaka mabilis maubos. If I were a sound, I would be: a thunderclap If I were a song, I would be: 214, by Rivermaya If I were a book, I would be written by: J.R.R. Tolkien If I were a food, I would be: Man Han's Yang-chow! If I were a place, I would be: in the deepest part of the Marianas trench...or Tirion, the fairest city of the elves. If I were a taste, I would be: Hot! If I were a scent, I would be: a fresh morning scent If I were a word, I would be: domination, or enigma If I were a body part I would be: the eyes If I were a facial expression I would be: a look of focus If I were a number I would be: 69! LOL joke. I'd be 8, symbol of infinity. Hmm...la lang, post lang ako ng song...for my dream girl from tabulas~ Listening to: D'Sound - Tatooed on my mind |
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September 15th, 2004
sana sabado naaa~ :D POSTED AT 01:44 PM ------------------------------------------------------------------- Ah, walang pasok ngayon, may laro SBC vs. UPHR. Lahat ng classes sa beda 12nn onwards, cancelled! Yahoo! Kaso hinde ako nuod game, hindi na ko nakabili tickets eh, idadaan ko na lang sa TV. Sana lang manalo naman kami, tagal na namin absent sa final 4 eh, wag po sana mapahiya ang red lions. Go San Beda Fight! ------------------------------------------------------------------- Hmm, speaking of tv, may dahilan na rin ako para gumising ng maaga! Ngayon ko lang nadiskubre na host na rin pala ng morning show na Breakfast si Angel Rivero, also known as Erning from the show Strangebreww. Hahaha, ngayon ko lang nalaman, pero matagal na raw sya dun, sabi ni ma, hindi ko lang daw naaabutan. And woah, grabe she's still hot as ever, kaso nadala nya yung tawa nya sa strangebreww, si tado kasi may kasalanan eh...oh well. Mama Angeeeeel~ And onga pala, masaya na rin ako kase pinalabas ulit Rurouni Kenshin sa AXN. Sakto nasimulan ko pa series. Kahit kelan hindi ako nagsasawa sa RK, pinaka-favorite ko na anime to eh, walang tatalo. Sana tapusin nila hanggang episode 94... ------------------------------------------------------------------- Damnit, sa sobrang tagal kong absent sa kingdom ko sa FaitH, dami na pala nangyari. Pag log-in ko, nalaman ko, ako na pala binotong king. Tapos biglang dumami yung KDmates ko, mga 12 na kami. Good news yun...kaso argh, dahil nga hindi ko naalagaan yung KD ko, bumaba yung ranking ko sa top 100. Nawala pa ako dun sa ibang criteria. Eto na lang tuloy rank ko: Stats for Emperor Black Sword of Rune-Midgard: Most powerful Genesis province: 82 Rune-Midgard (naunahan pa ako nung former king ko, 81 sya...daaaamn) Most powerful Jack-of-all-Trades: 53 Black Sword Largest province: 60 Rune-Midgard Most populated province: 92 Rune-Midgard Most powerful Genesis Kingdom: 85 Almaren (syempre ako king dito) Haaay, ayusin ko na ulit province ko, gusto ko bago matapos yung era, nasa top 10 man lang ako... ------------------------------------------------------------------- Sana bayaran na ni ma yung try-isis para unlimited na kooo~. Kelangang-kelangan ko naaa~ Ummm, wala lang, sana sabado na bukas :D Listening to: Because of you - Kyla Feeling: "I wish saturday's today" |
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September 17th, 2004
insomnia~ POSTED AT 02:31 AM Hay, dahil din sa maling oras ng pagtulog ko, mali na rin schedule ng pagkain ko. 2 meals a day na lang tuloy ako, kase magigising na ako mga 11 na rin, so yung breakfast ko, lunch na rin. Kulang na nga ako sa tulog, kulang pa ako sa kain...tsk tsk delikado katawan ko nito... Ang pinakamasakit nyan eh kulang na rin ako sa exercise...well, exercise na rin yung palakad-lakad ko, pero yung kulang sa 'kin ngayon ay isang exercise routine araw-araw...eh kaso hindi ko rin magawa dahil late na rin ako gumigising, so wala nang oras. Waaah pano na to? ...pero ang mas masakit pa sa pinakamasakit (kung meron man nun, hehehe), eh...aaargh hindi ko naaabutan yung morning show sa studio 23, yung breakfast. Waaah, hindi ko mapanood si mama angel! Bad triiip! Parang ginawa ko na rin lahat eh...makinig sa music, manood ng tv, magbasa ng boring na libro, mag-internet (err, ehehe walang kwenta un, lalo ako nagising), uminom ng warm milk, tumulala, kumanta, nagpaka-pagod, gumawa ng assignment, kumain ng marami, uminom ng alak...basta, marami na rin ako nagawa, siguro kulang na lang uminom ako ng sleeping pills. Pati si baby ko naglo-log out na rin ng maaga para hindi ako mawili sa kaka-chat hanggang mag hating-gabi, sabay sabi na matulog na raw ako...kaso, huuu, nde ko kaya~ Talagang pahamak 'tong late na pagtulog...eh hindi ko rin kasalanan eh, parang hindi ko na kaya antukin sa gabi eh. Insomnia na ata to. Whatever, basta kelangan mahanapan ko ng solusyon to bago mahuli ang lahat. Nami-miss ko na rin yung morning air, tsaka morning sunlight...basta, aayusin ko to! Err, ehehe, siguro bukas ko na gagawin, it'sh too late to do that today, nyahehehe, alas dos na pala, LOL. |
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September 18th, 2004
ang batang kabado *bow* POSTED AT 09:14 AM and, aba, himala, nagising ako ng alas-nuebe...talagang pinaghahanda ako, LOL. sana lang wag umulan...please Lord, wag sana umulan...meron kayong alam na weather forcast website? :D ah basta. bahala na si batman...kwento ko na lang mya :D Feeling: nervous |
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September 26th, 2004
tired...broken down...but still standing POSTED AT 02:49 AM Yep, pagod na pagod na ako. I've been very busy these past few days, as in uber-busy. Basta, busy, yun na yun, hehe, ayoko na ikwento yung mga hirap na dinanas ko. At kanina lang ay nanggaling ako sa lamay ng aking late grandma, kasama si ma at si bespren. Well, wala naman ako masyado ginawa, lumabas, naglaro (ay, speaking of naglaro, nadiskubre namin ni bespren na sa caloocan ay may isa sa mga natitirang PC shop sa bansa na may nimos-expansion maps/scenarios patch ang Warcraft III! Two words: Tower defense!), bumalik sa bahay, lumabas at tumambay ulit, kumain ng kaunti, hanggang sa tamarin ako't humiga na lang sa kama ni lola. Grabe kase, andaming tao, as in jam-packed. Karamihan dun ay mga kamag-anak ko na hindi ko kilala pero sila kilala ako. Talagang hirap ako kanina kase hindi ko malaman kung ano gagawin ko. Inisnab ko sila lahat, pati ung isa kong tito na kilalang kilala ako pero hindi ko sya kilala...huuu~ sama tuloy ng mga tingin nila sa 'kin...kaso takot lang nila galawin ako dun at makikita nila ang raging fury ni dad...hehehe... Hmm, basta, depressed pa rin ako. Medyo gumaan na rin pakiramdam ko, nakalimutan ko ng konti dahil sa pagka-busy ko, kaso syempre medyo malungkot pa rin ako...dami kasing aasikasuhin na bwiset pag dating ng sembreak...sana talaga kayanin ko...tsaka miss ko na rin ang aking pinakamamahal (anjologs, hehehe :D)...so eto ako ngayon...pagod, malungkot, at lonely. Pati pag smile ang hirap na i-fake. Talagang pinipilit ko na lang mag mukhang masaya para hindi naman madamay sa lungkot ko yung mga tao sa paligid ko. Siguro kulang lang ako sa focus, kelangan ko na talaga ayusin. Sana nga lang may natitira pa akong lakas para gawin yun... (At ngayon ay alam ko na kung pano nalaman ng friends nya yung mga nangyari nung sabadong 'yun :D. Kaya mula ngayon ay itatago ko na lahat ng entries ko pag tungkol sa kanya, kase napupulutan ng chismax yung blog ko eh, nagagamit tuloy ng friends ng aking pinakamamahal (pasensya na talaga't jologs ang term ko). Hehehe, bawal na chismax dito, sensya berks :D) |
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October 1st, 2004
hurdles POSTED AT 12:33 AM At least may taga-gising ako pag masyado na ako bulag sa pag-ibig, hahaha. Ayaw nila ng maging reckless ako. So, 2 days nila akong nilecturan at pinagsabihan. Hindi naman para madiscourage ako. Gusto lang nilang maayos para hindi ako magsisi sa huli. Sinabi rin nila yung mga limitations ko at mga posibleng hadlang na haharapin ko, pero hindi para umatras ako. Basta, tinulungan lang nila akong mag-analyze... And, yes, payag sila sa desisyon ko :D ansaya :D Haaay, anyway, eto post ko lang, song of Luthien and Beren, a poem about the story of Beren, a mortal man, and his love for Luthien, an elf, daugther of Thingol, the king of Doriath and Melian, a maia of Valinor; The leaves were long, the grass was green, The hemlock-umbels tall and fair, And in the glade a light was seen Of stars in shadow shimmering. Tinúviel was dancing there To music of a pipe unseen, And light of stars was in her hair, And in her raiment glimmering. There Beren came from mountains cold, And lost he wandered under leaves, And where the Elven-river rolled He walked alone and sorrowing. He peered between the hemlock-leaves And saw in wonder flowers of gold Upon her mantle and her sleeves, And her hair like shadow following. Enchantment healed his weary feet That over hills were doomed to roam; And forth he hastened, strong and fleet, And grasped at moonbeams glistening. Through woven woods in Elvenhome She lightly fled on dancing feet, And left him lonely still to roam In the silent forest listening. He heard there oft the flying sound Of feet as light as linden-leaves, Or music welling underground, In hidden hollows quavering. Now withered lay the hemlock-sheaves, And one by one with sighing sound Whispering fell the beachen leaves In the wintry woodland wavering. He sought her ever, wandering far Where leaves of years were thickly strewn, By light of moon and ray of star In frosty heavens shivering. Her mantle glinted in the moon, As on a hill-top high and far She danced, and at her feet was strewn A mist of silver quivering. When winter passed, she came again, And her song released the sudden spring, Like rising lark, and falling rain, And melting water bubbling. He saw the elven-flowers spring About her feet, and healed again He longed by her to dance and sing Upon the grass untroubling. Again she fled, but swift he came. Tinúviel! Tinúviel! He called her by her elvish name; And there she halted listening. One moment stood she, and a spell His voice laid on her: Beren came, And doom fell on Tinúviel That in his arms lay glistening. As Beren looked into her eyes Within the shadows of her hair, The trembling starlight of the skies He saw there mirrored shimmering. Tinúviel the elven-fair, Immortal maiden elven-wise, About him cast her shadowy hair And arms like silver glimmering. Long was the way that fate them bore, O'er stony mountains cold and grey, Through halls of iron and darkling door, And woods of nightshade morrowless. The Sundering Seas between them lay, And yet at last they met once more, And long ago they passed away In the forest singing sorrowless. |
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